


Surrender

by Pimpala27



Series: Surrender [1]
Category: Hurts (UK Band)
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Inspired by Music, M/M, Musicians, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:40:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24041461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pimpala27/pseuds/Pimpala27
Summary: It was a cold night in Manchester when Adam and Theo meet, and neither one of them has a clue whats in store, except they are both drawn together and for a moment there is hope sparked between them.Before the world knew them as Hurts they were just two men searching for something to keep them going, this is who they were before the spotlights shone down on them.
Relationships: Adam Anderson/Lael Goldberg, Adam Anderson/Original Female Character(s), Adam Anderson/Theo Hutchcraft, Adam anderson/Emily Rumbles, Theo Hutchcraft/Original Character(s)
Series: Surrender [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1734256
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. 1

Something miraculous happened in the world, and for a moment I was sure everything was all right. 

Perhaps it was fate that our eyes locked, once, twice, and then a third time over the course of the night. Perhaps it was my body telling me that change was about to come when I felt warmth throughout all my fingers and all my toes. 

And perhaps fate was pushing me in the direction I wanted to go when I stumbled out that door to find him leaning against the brick wall, cigarette in hand, minding his own business as if he wasn't about to become the shining star of my evening. 

I told him my life, only because he asked, I gave him pieces of me that I had never even known had existed. I told him my fascination with music, and honestly I didn't even know I loved it until his eyes flashed bright at the mention. 

The commotion of pent up aggression and the noise of the obnoxious drove us to seek out what little privacy and peace could be gained in the alley beside the pub. 

His eyes sparkled even with the absence of the lights, and we talked as if we had all the time in the world, and in the moment it felt as though we did. 

I wondered for the briefest of moments, what it might have been like to kiss him. 

I shouldn't have let myself consider it, of course not, but he was so warm and inviting, and the liquor in my system told me it was a good idea. 

Of course I couldn't blame it all on the alcohol, it was mostly me, longing for the feel of his skin on mine. 

It wasn't just his eyes drawing me in, it was the black hair that had been so carefully slicked back, the eyeliner that had been so subtly placed, the pink in his cheeks from the brisk London air. He was so inviting and I wanted as much as I could get from him. 

When he finally leaned in to kiss me I wanted more, so much more, so much that I didn't allow myself to take, fear pulling me away. 

As he walked away from me and a great emptiness opened up between us something I didn't recognize in my chest fluttered, and I imagined what might happen if I ran to him, if I stopped him from walking away from me, and maybe he felt exactly as I did because just as I was about to give up and turn away he turned back to face me, rushing back pulling a pen out of his back pocket. 

“Do you have a piece of paper or anything?” he asked breathlessly.

Fishing through my pockets I found an old gum wrapper and he proceeded to scribble his email address on it. 

Once again he walked away from me, and I wondered what it meant that my heart was still racing. 

I went home that night to a life id once thought to be lonely, I looked my best friend in the eye and resisted the urge to tell her all that occured that night. I knew she would say exactly what I didn't want to think. 

She would hear it in my voice that I had broken the rules. 

I couldn't sleep that night, not because of the nightmares that id come to expect, rather because everytime I managed to close my eyes all I would see was blue, blue eyes, blue skies, blue birds soaring through the wind, and I couldn't believe what I saw, the colours were back and suddenly I wasn't numb anymore, I was terrified.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Christmas

Something maddening happened today, I met someone today, and I dont even know his name but I cant stop thinking about him. 

Hes clumsy, stumbling over his words and feet, his brain moving faster than his body, tumbling over himself as if he was running out of time. 

I wasnt quite sure what to do with myself when he leaned into me, eyes closing, breathing heavily. Id wanted to know what the feel of his lips on mine would be like since I had first laid eyes on him. 

It was a terrible idea, I was telling myself that right up until the moment our lips finally met, and then somehow my mind was clear. 

We didn't stand a chance, my mind was racing, with every possibility we were opening up and everything that could go wrong. 

Id been stupid before, had a messy track record with getting too close with all the wrong people, and this time was really no different , except for the fact that I was kissing him even though I didn't even know his first name. 

I pushed him into the brick wall, holding him as close as physics would allow, and I was dreaming of a life I would never allow myself to have. 

Id given him my email address, after, when his beautiful eyes were wide with energy and his chest was heaving as though his body couldnt hold it all in. 

I had walked away first, hoping that if i had just gotten it out of my system I wouldnt keep thinking about him, maybe I wouldnt get attached. 

But alas I went to sleep that night only to be greeted by a pair of warm brown eyes. I was addicted, and I wasnt ready to let go. 

Apparently I had no self control because when he emailed me with an invite to celebrate christmas at his flat I didn't waste any time in picking out a bottle of scotch to bring with me. 

I mused what his taste would be life, if hed be young and careless of taste and vintage and only care for the right kind of buzz. Or if he was an old soul would care for the taste and make of something carefully crafted. Maybe he would appreciate something that was made to be understood. 

I imagined just how he might react to every bottle, carefully considered each possibility until I found what I was looking for. The same bottle I always knew I'd end up with. The appeal was just too strong,and I wanted him to be able to appreciate it just as I did. I wanted him to understand. 

I showed up, bottle in hand, unsure what to expect. The noise and commotion threw me off, I could hear it the moment I got off the lift. 

There had been all this time between the night we met and when he finally reached out to me. Eventually i'd had to stop myself from getting my hopes up every time I opened up my email. I had to stop myself from caring too much. 

Of course in the end he did reach out to me and I wound up with a bottle of scotch looking like a sore thumb at a party where everyone already knew each other. 

He tried to make me feel welcome, but the knowing glances from those I recognized from the pub fight only weeks ago and the glares from a woman circling the flat like a hawk left an uneasiness in my stomach. 

There was music in the air that I didn't recognize, guitar floating through the empty spaces and for that moment I was home. It didn't matter that I was surrounded by strangers, nor the fact that I was the only true stranger in the room. 

He was surrounded by people all night, they adored him and I wondered what that might be like, to be close to him, to know him and display adoration for him, to be in his inner circle. 

I watched him all night, just as I had the night we met, except this time I was drinking and everytime he caught me staring I would feel my face heat up. These moments made the whole night worth it, made it so that we were the only people in the world. 

I didn't realize how much time is spent on that couch watching the people around me. Bottles were emptied, songs were switched, and throughout the night people got bored or tired and eventually they all left. Except I didn notice any of this, I didn't notice the movement or the noise, I stopped noticing the eyes on me, all the eyes except his. 

I noticed how incredibly long and beautiful his eyelashes were, when he was finally next to me on the couch and the lights caught on the fine hairs. 

We were talking, for god knows how long and when I looked up and realized that the room was empty I felt relieved. I'd Been there to see him, not his entourage, and finally I had him and the music was finally something I recognized. My heart was steady for a few moments and while his attention was on me, while his eyes were locked on mine and there was no one to see I let my lips press against his, just as they had wanted to all night. 

It seemed different, when we didn't have to hide in the shadows, when I could hold his face and feel the warmth of his breath against my skin and didn't have to worry about what it meant. 

It was pure freedom, like soaring across an open sky. There was music flowing between us and our hearts beating so fast together and I had no idea I could feel these things. 

He wanted so much, and I was more than willing to give. In these moments I would have given him anything in exchange for the way I was feeling, I owed him. 

We made no promises to each other, but It didn't matter, words didn't matter, his hands on me, his lips, his heart beating, that was all that mattered.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romance and perfect sex,   
> Perfume and cigarettes

We shared a cigarette on the balcony, breathless and sweaty, and I thought the moment couldn't be more perfect. My head was spinning anymore, my head was clear. 

He stayed awake for hours, writing in a little black notebook, scribbling away ferociously looking up only for the briefest moments.

I learned that I loved running my fingers through his hair, separating the locks after the gel became loosened from the sweat. It had hung over me as his eyes bore into mine, and i loved touching the hair on that head. 

He left too soon with a short lived kiss and a silent goodbye, and my life stood still. That one night had lasted a lifetime, and I was terrified of seeing it end. 

The entire time I'd been away from him i'd gone over every moment in my head everytime my mind was unoccupied all I would see was him, his sharp eyes focused only on me, his hands burning trails on my body, his lips giving me breath I didn't know I needed. 

I think I may have loved him, but I wasn't going to say a word, not yet, maybe not ever.


	4. 4

I gave up on school, somewhere between christmas and the night we met I began to forget what my life was supposed to be. Id had a plan, long before id ended up in this position, but it faded to dust so easily.

I stopped going to class, forsaking my GPA to scribble notes in the margins of songs that I knew better than to write.

I sent him an email one night when I was a little bit more drunk than i had meant to be and feeling more alone than i was supposed to let myself get.

He told me he loved the words I wrote, so i sent more. We emailed back and forth for months, little broken peices of poetry and piano notes that didn't fit into any puzzle, given away to be discovered and maybe understood.

Wed watched a sunrise together that night that wed spent together, bursts of colour exploding across a sky that so rarely gave way to anything other than a bleak grey cover. I used this one perfect moment that he gave me to fuel the writing further.

Somewhere along the way the conversation shifted away from the bits and peices of lyrics that one would begin and the other would finish. He told me his dream of creating something that the world might come to admire, and i confided in him the fears that prevented me from pursuing mine.

We began to make promises to one another, that these dreams would be reached, that one day we would have the world and it went unspoken that we would share this future with each other.

Because only we understood this deam,, only we could give each other that glory that we were looking for.

I got lost in the possibilities we were building, because it seemed that for once I might have something worth fighting for, something worth the struggle.

Terrified as i was the excitement came stronger, and I didn't even realize when I lost myself to it. I wrote as if the words might disappear if they werent on paper, and maybe part of me was afraid they would. I wrote during every moment, in every class I didn't care to pay attention to, in the middle of the night in between dreams I would never have shared.

He offered to let me move in with him, after months of this strange dynamic we had, when it seemed I had nowhere else to go and being closer might allow us to devote more of ourselves to the budding possibilities.

I didn't know how to Express my appreciation.

I began to dream again, strange visions in which he was always the centre. The piles of paper under my bed grew and I had to hope it might mean something. I let myself hope only for a moment.

_The light shines on you_   
_Just for a moment_   
_And I choose to follow_

_You move_   
_And I run_   
_And I wonder if I will ever reach_

_The world spins_   
_Turns on itself in agony_   
_I care not_

_You fly with the breeze_   
_And I connot go that far_   
_But the water swells and you fall_

_I can swim for the both of us_   
_When your wings cannot possibly beat_   
_I can keep you afloat_

_I'm not ready to let go_


End file.
